Why Does Networking Make Everyone Want to Crawl Out of Their Skin?
Let's be honest. The word "networking" makes most people recoil. It conjures images of conference centres with bad coffee, people thrusting business cards at you before they've even asked your name, and that particular brand of forced enthusiasm that makes you want to hide in the toilets.
You're not alone in feeling this way. Research from StandOut CV found that while eight in ten UK professionals regard networking as vital for career advancement, the actual experience of attending networking events remains, for many, somewhere between a dentist appointment and a tax return. We know it matters. We just hate doing it.
The problem isn't networking itself. It's the version of networking we've been sold — transactional, performative, and about as genuine as a LinkedIn endorsement from someone you've never met. The good news? There's a completely different way to do it.
The Real Reason Networking Feels So Awful
Traditional networking is built on a lie: that professional relationships are fundamentally different from personal ones. That you need a "networking persona" — some polished, elevator-pitch-ready version of yourself that bears little resemblance to the person your friends actually know.
This creates an impossible situation. You're supposed to be authentic enough to build trust, but professional enough to be taken seriously. Warm but not too casual. Interested but not desperate. It's exhausting, and it shows. Most people can spot someone performing from across a room, and nobody wants to have a real conversation with someone who's clearly running through a mental script.
The truth is simpler than the networking industry would like you to believe: professional connections are just relationships. They follow the same rules as friendships. They need curiosity, consistency, and genuine interest. Strip away the jargon and a good professional connection is just a friendship where you happen to also talk about work.
According to UK research, 39% of British workers found their current job through their network, and referral-based hiring happens 47% faster than traditional recruitment. The connections that lead to opportunities aren't built at networking events — they're built through genuine relationships over time.
Lead with Curiosity, Not Your Sales Pitch
The single most effective change you can make to your networking approach is devastatingly simple: be genuinely curious about other people.
Not "curious" as in "I'm going to ask you questions until I find an angle to sell you something." Actually curious. What does this person do all day? What problems are they wrestling with? What gets them animated? What have they learned recently that surprised them?
Most people at networking events are bracing themselves for the question "So, what do you do?" — followed by a rapid mental calculation of whether you're useful to them. When you skip that calculation entirely and just listen, it's disarming. People relax. They open up. And paradoxically, they remember you far more clearly than the person who gave them a perfectly rehearsed pitch.
This isn't a technique. It's just being a decent human being. We've written about moving past small talk before, and everything in that piece applies to professional settings just as much as social ones. The questions that build real connections are the same whether you're at a dinner party or a business breakfast.
What Curiosity Looks Like in Practice
Instead of "What do you do?", try "What's keeping you busy at the moment?" It's a subtler question that invites a more honest answer — people might talk about a project, a challenge, a hobby, or all three.
Instead of launching into your own credentials, ask follow-up questions. "What's the hardest part of that?" or "How did you end up in that world?" are far more interesting than any elevator pitch, and they signal something rare in professional settings: genuine attention.
Instead of scanning the room for someone more senior while someone is talking to you, stay present. The most memorable networkers aren't the ones with the best pitch — they're the ones who made you feel heard.
The Follow-Up Is Where Networking Actually Happens
Here's a dirty secret about networking events: the event itself barely matters. What matters is what happens afterwards.
Most people attend an event, collect a handful of business cards or LinkedIn connections, and never follow up. The conversation evaporates. The connection dissolves. And then they complain that networking doesn't work.
The follow-up is everything. And it doesn't need to be complicated. Within a day or two of meeting someone interesting, send a short message referencing something specific from your conversation. Not a generic "Great to meet you!" — something that proves you were actually listening.
"Really enjoyed hearing about the supply chain project you're tackling — I came across an article on that topic this morning and thought of you."
That's it. No sales pitch. No ask. Just a small act of thoughtfulness that separates you from the 95% of people who never bother. Over time, these small gestures compound into genuine relationships.
The LinkedIn Problem (And How to Fix It)
LinkedIn has become the default professional networking tool, and for many people, it's also become the most annoying platform on the internet. The humble-brags, the motivational posts that read like they were written by a chatbot, the connection requests from people who immediately try to sell you something — it's enough to make you delete the app entirely.
But LinkedIn done well is genuinely useful. The key is treating it like a real relationship tool rather than a broadcasting platform.
Connect with people you've actually met or had a real exchange with. When you send a connection request, include a personal note. Share things that are genuinely useful or interesting, not performative posts designed to maximise engagement. Comment thoughtfully on other people's content instead of just posting your own. And for the love of all that is holy, stop sending automated sales messages to new connections.
The best LinkedIn strategy is the same as the best friendship strategy: be consistently helpful and interesting, and let relationships develop naturally. If your LinkedIn activity wouldn't be welcome at a dinner party, it probably shouldn't be on LinkedIn either.
Networking Events vs. Organic Connection
There's a spectrum of networking, and most people only think about the formal end: structured events with name badges and time slots. These have their place, but they're far from the only — or even the best — way to build professional connections.
Some of the strongest professional relationships form organically: at a coworking space where you end up chatting over coffee, at a community event where you discover shared interests, at a supper club where the conversation naturally drifts between personal and professional territory. The line between professional and personal networking is far thinner than most people realise.
Think about it. Your closest professional contacts — the people you'd actually ring for advice, or who'd genuinely recommend you for a role — are probably people you also know personally. You've had dinner with them. You know their partner's name. You've shared a joke that has nothing to do with work. That personal layer is what transforms a professional contact into a genuine connection.
This is why events like Dinners With Friends work for professional connection without even trying to. When you sit down to eat with people, the conversation flows naturally across boundaries. You might start talking about work and end up discussing travel, family, or the best pizza in Exeter. That blend is exactly how real relationships form.
Networking in Exeter: Where to Start
If you're based in Exeter and looking to build genuine professional connections, you're actually spoilt for choice. The city has a thriving scene of networking groups, and they range from highly structured to refreshingly casual.
TechExeter
If you work in or around technology, TechExeter is a standout. They run regular meetups — typically featuring three short talks followed by Q&A and open networking — with free pizza and a genuinely friendly atmosphere. They also host "The Standup," a monthly breakfast meetup on the first Thursday of each month. It's free, low-pressure, and attracts a good mix of developers, designers, data scientists, and anyone else who works in or around tech. They've been running events across Exeter including at the Exeter Innovation Hub on Dix's Field.
Exeter Chamber
The Exeter Chamber runs regular meetups including "Coffee in the City" every other Wednesday morning and a monthly "Thirsty Thursday" social. Membership starts from around £120 per year, and the mix tends towards established businesses and professionals. It's more structured than TechExeter, but the regular schedule makes it easy to build familiarity with people over time — which, as we've discussed, is where real connections form.
BNI City Wall — Exeter
For the most structured end of the spectrum, BNI Exeter meets every Wednesday at 7am at the Hampton by Hilton near the airport. BNI is referral-based networking with a very specific format: each member gets sixty seconds to pitch their business each week, with longer presentations on a rotating basis. It's not for everyone — the early starts and formal structure can feel intense — but members in the Devon and Cornwall region have generated over £9.1 million of business for each other. Membership runs around £600 per year plus a one-off application fee.
Exeter Business Club
A member-owned group of business owners and senior managers who meet weekly on Friday mornings. The club exists purely for its members rather than to generate profit, which gives it a distinctly different feel from commercial networking groups. Worth investigating if you prefer something regular and relationship-focused.
The Business Network Exeter
Running for nearly thirty years, this group hosts networking events specifically for directors and business owners. The longevity speaks for itself — people keep coming back because the connections are real.
The Social Angle: It's All Just Connection
Here's the thing that networking advice rarely acknowledges: the skills that make you good at building friendships are exactly the same skills that make you good at building professional connections. Listening. Following up. Showing up consistently. Being genuinely interested in people. Remembering details. Being helpful without keeping score.
If you're someone who struggles to maintain friendships — perhaps because you're working from home and feeling isolated, or because hustle culture has eaten your social life — you'll likely struggle with professional networking too, because it's the same muscle.
The reverse is also true. If you build better social habits, your professional network will grow naturally as a side effect. Attending a regular dinner with interesting people isn't just good for your wellbeing — it's one of the most effective career moves you can make, even though nobody will ever describe it that way on LinkedIn.
Networking shouldn't feel like work. If your approach to building professional connections leaves you drained and cynical, the approach is wrong — not you. The best professional relationships feel indistinguishable from friendships, because that's exactly what they are.
How to Make Networking Feel Like Socialising
If the word "networking" still makes you wince, here's a reframe: stop networking. Start socialising with purpose.
Go to events that genuinely interest you — not because of who might be there, but because you'd enjoy them anyway. Talk to people about things you actually care about. Follow up with people you genuinely liked, not just people who might be useful. Build relationships on shared interests and mutual respect, not transactional calculations.
This approach is slower than aggressive networking. You won't leave every event with a stack of leads. But the connections you build will be real, durable, and genuinely reciprocal. And those are the only connections that matter — in business and in life.
For freelancers especially, this shift is critical. When your professional and personal lives are already blurred, trying to keep them artificially separate is exhausting. Our guide on building a social life as a freelancer explores this in more depth.
The best professional connection you'll ever make probably won't happen at a networking event. It'll happen over dinner, or during a walk, or in a coworking space kitchen — somewhere real, somewhere relaxed, somewhere you can actually be yourself. Everything that follows will be built on that foundation.